Because no matter what we say, moving on is never easy.
After watching countless videos on YouTube on how to get over a breakup and stay strong, and after reading thousands of quotes on positivity, I came to the unhappy conclusion that none of these were helping me. I still missed my ex and went over our past conversations in my head again and again, trying to figure out what went wrong. I kept scrolling through my phone’s gallery and looking at our pictures, remembering the old, happy times and questioning myself if this breakup was really necessary.
For a moment, I was lost; lost in dreams of the past which were starting to form hopes for the future.
I had been in an ‘on and off’ relationship for most of this year. Also, I spent a considerable amount of time trying to sort things with my ex after every fight we had. As the year (and also our relationship) ends, like everybody else, I too, decided to think about everything that went wrong but need not have. As I look back, I see us letting ourselves down by petty fights, lack of trust in each other’s intentions and the inevitable emotional instability caused by months of hurt and frustration. All in all, it was a gloomy picture and I was trying to find the silver lining in these grey clouds.
That’s when I decided to take another trip down memory lane and focus more on the brighter side of things, even if I had to take a magnifying glass to do so. Well, I didn’t have to look so hard, it was right there in front of my eyes! Though unintentionally, maybe it was me who had chosen to overlook it in the first place. I recounted the good times; the bet which started all of it and the thrill of keeping our new romance a secret, the snuggling whenever our friends weren’t looking and the sneaky night outs, the warm bone-crushing hugs and forehead kisses, the birthday surprises and the dance at that party where everyone went all starry eyed looking at us. And for a moment, I was lost; lost in dreams of the past which were starting to form hopes for the future.
I could feel my hopes shatter since it was me who had firmly refused to mend our relationship any further.
And then reality struck. I came back to the world I was residing in. I could feel my hopes shatter since it was me who had firmly refused to mend our relationship any further. But then again, rules could always be tweaked for our convenience, right? At the same time, another voice in me was desperately trying to gain my attention. It was the voice of reason; the one I chose to ignore most often. That voice had been growing since the past few days and was probably why I walked away from someone I loved so much. That voice worked as a reminder of the reason I had been in this very state before and why my earlier choices of compromising had always ended up needing more compromises.
So, for the second time in as long as I can remember, I listened to the voice of reason, controlled my emotions, steeled my nerves and told myself that I can do it. I can get over this breakup and move on from my ex. I prided myself in saying that I took the path less travelled by. Maybe I’ll have to remind myself so again and again and probably a lot more in the future. But I guess it’ll be worth it.
So, this New Year, let’s toast to love, breakups, and to life.