If you think single people are more fulfilled, you are definitely not single.
First things first, being single is hard. Especially, if like me you’ve not been single for a long time! Last November, I broke up with my boyfriend of six years. We were college sweethearts and madly in love. With time, we realized that we were both getting less amused by each other and might even be falling out of love……and then we did. It was not a bad breakup and we are still friends. There is no bad blood here. Sometimes when I feel lonely, I really want to call him not because I have feelings for him but because I’m hopelessly single and don’t know how to handle my lovesickness.
In a way, a person in a relationship is constantly dependent on their partner for one thing or another. There is a balance of responsibilities and a balance of sanity between two people. Being single just puts you out there, in front of the cold hard world all alone to fend for yourself!
It’s a whole new single world that I’m still getting used to.
My ex-boyfriend and I used to share blankets and food and other things. Now, half of my Chinese takeout ends up rotting in my fridge. Moreover, I had an emotional stability. I had someone I could rely on for anything, a best friend, lifesaver, caretaker all in one. And I liked taking care of him too. I was used to always having someone around. Now, it’s just my friends whenever they can find the time.
How did I end up here? Am I so difficult to love? Why is everyone so un-single and happy? What will I do?
It’s a whole new single world that I’m still getting used to. One might think the hardest thing would be to look at all the happy couples but looking at attractive people is the hardest! All of a sudden, I am surrounded by the hottest people on the Earth. My brain just keeps feeding me hope that I might end up with one of them. If I had a gold coin for every time I’ve embarrassed myself in front of a person just because they were looking so good that I was at a loss of words, I would have a gold mine by now! It feels like I’ve become a fairy tale fanatic because I keep imagining how I will find my prince charming anytime soon. But nobody is going to rescue me from myself. Even rom-com movies are just a way to make myself even sadder.
I do not know how to find a date anymore. I have been so comfortable with my boyfriend for so long that any attempt at talking to good looking guys just gives me anxiety and panic attacks! Who thought it would be so difficult?
I have the joy of existing outside a relationship that tries to define me.
But maybe I’m just thinking too much into it. Maybe, dating someone at this point will just do more harm to my self-respect. I need to get closer to the real me. I need to find self-love and take my time to wait for someone to walk into my life with their love. To be honest, I have something that my friends don’t, I have the joy of existing outside a relationship that tries to define me. I sometimes chose relationships that were very unhealthy and ripped me off my individuality to the point where I could not function being single. But this time, it’s different.
If I look at it in a better way, I understand that being single is not lonely, it’s quite liberating. I do not have to share my time with someone all the time, I can finally have some time reserved to myself. I can work on my friendships and relationship with my parents. There was a reason why I broke up. I am 23 and single by choice, for the first time in my life. How great is that? Living feels less suffocating now than it has felt for years!
Being single does not mean I’m afraid of love. I have so much to appreciate in life. I have so much love to receive. And for now, I just want to focus on me and my work (and appreciate the beauty in everyone).
Ready to face life head-on,
A hopefully single person.