The pattern of you hurting me and acting like it was my fault discontinues right now!

It took me a little while to put you down from the highest pedestal I built in my mind, especially for you. No. Actually, it took me a lot of time. Years! Years to realize I should have parted ways with you the first time you betrayed my trust and pretended to be sorry for it. I should have not forgiven you. I should have not made it a habit to just accept everything bad you threw at me and hope for better in the future. I should have been stronger, maybe even a bit manipulative. That way I could have tackled your strategies of fooling me into thinking so highly of you.

Many people have that one toxic person in their life who they wish the best for in the future but it never gets reciprocated. It could be your boyfriend, girlfriend, so-called best friend, your family member, anyone! For me, you were the person who could hurt me the most. And you hurt me every time you had a chance. You shoved my inabilities right in my face and made me look at myself as a loser. Yes, teacher, I am talking about you.

But my life is no book which could make the readers know you for how you really are.

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If my life was written into a series of books, your character would be the misunderstood teacher figure who is really arrogant and unforgivable, who is loved by everyone but really, just wants to manipulate them. But my life is no book which could make the readers know you for how you really are.

As I said, you always had the power to influence me the most. You made everything so much fun to learn, and I looked up to you. But that didn’t last for long.

You seemed to get a certain high by making me feel inferior.

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Throughout my adolescence, you taught me. And many times, things reached a point where I didn’t have any confidence in myself at all. Thanks to you. Nothing I did was enough for you but things got worse when you started teaching my so-called friend too.

You seemed to get a certain high by making me feel inferior. You would laugh together and stop when I was around. I thought it was something that happened in school. You were always praising him whenever he got an answer correct but I was never acknowledged. Furthermore, you helped him cheat sometimes just so he would get more marks than me.

But you did all of this while making me feel like it was my fault. You told me I was undisciplined and talkative. Sometimes, you talked to me as if you still believed in me. I fell for it every time and tried to win your heart. I just wanted to be your excellent student.

You both were so intelligent. But you never realized what was hurting me. I don’t blame him but you should have acted like an adult. I got bullied in school enough already. When I needed you to believe in me, even you backed off. I’m just glad when I broke down and hated myself for being who I had become, I also understood that I needed to stay away from both of you. And I have never made a better decision. You were never worth my self-doubts and self-loathing.

This is for everyone who cannot find the strength to cut themselves off from those who are toxic for them. 

For everyone who needs strength,

The person who stood up finally.



Author: Harnoor Kaur

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