I am a big girl and that is none of your business.

I come nowhere close to the definition of skinny- never have and probably never will. My thunder thighs jiggle every time I move them. I have never felt the need for a push-up bra because my boobs have always been too darn heavy to carry around- just like the rest of me. I am 21 years old but people still pinch my chubby cheeks and call me cute. I am all curves and no edges. Most importantly, I love to have my cake and eat it too. Literally. It is impossible for me to have a single helping of a cake and I no longer regret it. If any of this makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, that is entirely your problem.

Yes, the weighing scale usually wavers around overweight and my body definitely has jiggly bits. I am also very much aware of all the potential health hazards these extra rolls of fat could lead to. But I am so done hating myself for my curvy body-type. I was born this way and I won’t apologize for taking some extra space in this world.

 I salute your stamina and perseverance.

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I have grown up on an unhealthy and potentially fatal diet of taunts and misplaced concern. You have never missed an opportunity to mock me, to ridicule me or to make up unkind names for me. You are so good at seizing the day and making me feel ashamed of who I am. You have been a constant all my life- 21 years of bullying. I salute your stamina and perseverance.

You have taken various forms to take your mission further. You were once the shopkeeper who refused to sell me chocolates and ‘for my own good’. You have been the snobbish salesgirl at the mall who smothered her laughter when I asked for a miniskirt in my size. I heard you gossip about me with your colleague near the trial rooms sometime later. An elephant in a skirt, that’s what you called me then and I cried for the entire day. Every concerned relative who took it upon himself/herself to give me tips that would guarantee weight-loss right from taking weird pills to starving myself to the edge of sanity- it was all you.

 I have love handles and I believe they are lovely.

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I am ashamed of myself but not for the reasons you tag as shameful. I am ashamed that I actually believed in all the toxic lies you fed me over the years. I agreed with you when you said that I would need to get plastic surgery if I ever wanted to find love. Guess what? I haven’t spent a dime on surgery and I still have a boyfriend who loves me- curves and all.

There is no doubt that I am a fat girl but I have now learned to believe that it only means more of me to love. As clichéd as that sounds, I have struggled so hard and for so long to reach a point where guilt no longer overwhelms me for every cookie I eat. Self-love did not come easily to me and I have no plans of letting anyone take my positive body image away. I have love handles and I believe they are lovely.

Kudos for your efforts to make me feel small but I am a big girl and I accept it.

Without a care for what you think,

The Fat and Fabulous Girl.



Author: Maitreyee Mhatre

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