My parents may think I’m not serious but I have never been more determined.

A wedding day is supposed to be a happy day for the bride and groom but unfortunately, in my culture, it’s just a happy day for the matchmakers- the parents. The groom is lost in the dreams of his beautiful wife-to-be and increasing responsibilities whereas, for the bride, this whole arranged marriage might bring the heaven or hell in the world. And that’s day one of the marriage that may or may not be a happy one.

And my parents want to halt my studies just because they think it may be the most important decision of my life? No! Marrying someone when I want to, will be the best decision for me, not when everyone else decides what is good for me.

My mother sat me down and told me that this was the time of my life to get married because I’m not getting any younger. Well, thank you very much, Ma. I know Papa shares these views too. I know how it worked out for these two, Papa had to give up the pet dog and Ma had to give up her career.

I am supposed to be like a goddess, with ten hangs bringing prosperity in both of my households.

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I know it’s a modern time now and my husband might also want me to study and work but the fact that I’m being treated like a commodity to invest money in, first by parents and later by husband- just sucks. The point is I want to be engrossed in my studies and when I look for work, I should have nothing to worry about. How will that happen, if I am expected to take care of my husband’s family?

Just over one night, I will have two families and the pressure to take care would be on me because our society has such a faulty image of the woman. I am supposed to be like a goddess, with ten hands bringing prosperity in both of my households. Well, I would like it if somebody else was given the responsibility of these ten hands. I can barely handle my own stuff with my two hands.

The other day my mother told me she feels sick and that she doesn’t want to die before seeing my kid’s face.

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Furthermore, do I really want a marriage at all? I have never even thought about it. Maybe I should take some time to think about how I view my future and with whom. I would like to have the luxury to choose the person for me. It is about a lifetime then why does everyone want me to be decisive so quickly? The other day my mother told me she feels sick and that she doesn’t want to die before seeing my kid’s face.

Kids? Mine? So early? I’m just 23. And this blackmail is so not fair. I love my mother but I will not sabotage my work and my body for something she wants. I am still trying to figure out my route of work. I am not sure if I ever will be financially stable to have kids but I would like to have them in future. Similarly, I want to see me building a career one day. I have some wishes of my own to fulfill before I give into marriage and it feels like I’m running out of time.

I am also terrified of dying alone like any other single person. So, I guess in some years I’ll have to make these decisions. Whether it is choosing a husband online or falling in love and having a love marriage. I like my prospects. And I don’t think you should have a problem with that, marriage. I hope you respect my wishes and come into my life with happiness and not force.

Afraid To Grow Up,

A Reluctant Bride.



Author: Harnoor Kaur

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