You have upheld our marriage vows through tears and heartbreak.
The past year hasn’t been easy for either one of us. Being a person with depression is extremely hard but so is providing the necessary care and support to a depressed person repeatedly. Most people would run to the hills before tolerating even half of what you went through in the last one year. But when my demons escaped their prisons and took residence in my mind, you stayed put and faced them head-on even when I couldn’t. You looked after me with such unconditional love and such limitless patience.
How did you do it? Why did you choose to stand by me all this while? I can feel you smile as you read this and then say ‘Because I love you, stupid!’. But I still find it a little difficult to understand how someone so good and pure could fall for me. I am very much aware that I am a difficult person to love but you make it look so easy. I almost don’t feel guilty anymore for letting you stay with me. Don’t worry, I am learning to accept that it is your choice to make and not mine.
My mind was a torrential downpour of random negative emotions and you were the rainbow on this stormy horizon.
One fine sunny morning, I opened my eyes to the world but I refused to let the sunshine in. My brain had been whispering horrible thoughts to me and that day I realised I couldn’t handle it anymore. I pulled the shutter down and decided to stay in bed for the rest of the day which turned into a week and then two. You weren’t home then. You were in Tokyo for a business trip. I complained of period cramps and you sent me pictures of beautifully rolled sushi to cheer me up. They didn’t. You immediately knew something was wrong and you rushed back home. My eyes might have stayed bland throughout this emergency reunion but I can’t begin to tell you the relief I felt but didn’t express on seeing your face.
The minute you landed home, you took charge of the situation and took the necessary steps to restore my mental health. I was struggling to get out of the bed and I would not be exaggerating if I told you that I could have never survived this disaster without you. My mind was a torrential downpour of random negative emotions and you were the rainbow on this stormy horizon. You were my sole motivation for choosing life every single day until I relearned to make life my motivation.
I am so grateful to you for being the prince who helped me save myself.
Your love and your commitment pulled me out of my deep dark hole. You know how much I hate being the stupid damsel in distress who needs a handsome prince to save her from the clutches of the evil troll. But this time, I did need saving and I am so grateful to you for being the prince who helped me save myself.
Husband dear, I am almost back to being my own feisty self now. Your angry feminist wife is back now and she can’t wait to shower you with love and affection once again. The past one year was the most difficult time of our marriage so far but we have survived it and it is all because of you. I love you now and forever. Now, let’s begin the rest of our life with togetherness and even more love than before. I promise you that we will be happier than ever.
With more gratitude than she can express in one letter,
Your loving but crazy wife!
Author: Maitreyee Mhatre