I’m starting to think it’s true. After all, that’s why you dumped me, right?

I’ll spare you the flashback of how we met, fell in love (just me, not you) and finally, broke up. It’s a very typical story, right? As common as girls getting dumped just because they won’t ‘put out’.

Our breakup was (for the lack of a better word) messy; from my end at least. Till today I’ve no idea if you genuinely cared about me or it was just the vagina between my legs that fascinated you. But I’m done thinking about those times. Fortunately, I’ve fallen out of love for you, but if my words don’t give a clear indication, then I just want you to know that my hatred still persists. I know I sound bitter, far from my natural self. But can you even blame me?

Your sex drive was right on top of your priority list; way above my place in your life.

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I wasn’t and still am not the kind of person who would lead someone on. Yes, we dated. Yes, I was attracted to you. But no, I wasn’t ready to have sex then. And unlike your judgements, I’m not asexual as well. I just needed some time before I was ready to lose my virginity to you. But apparently, your sex drive was right on top of your priority list; way above my place in your life.

A healthy relationship has quite a few stages.

Selflessness. Love. Sacrifice. Understanding. Communication.

But according to you, our love wouldn’t be ‘complete’ till I opened my legs for you. I read somewhere that if sex is the last destination of love, then prostitutes should be the most loved. Is that the world we’re all living in?

It doesn’t hurt that we ended; what hurts is how we drifted apart. I remember the first time we kissed. I was on a tour of the 7th heaven! I loved you with all my heart. What more could a girl want, right?

But just after that night came the texts asking me to come over since your family was out of town. I didn’t suspect a thing. I was your girlfriend after all! And so, I came over and things escalated with lighting speed. You were grabbing me and had me against the wall before I could even say the words, ‘I’m not ready.’

I used to wonder whether instead of me, you should be with someone who can love you in ways I can’t.

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Saying ‘No’ to you tore me apart. That disappointed look on your face almost made me give in so many times. After all, I too, was attracted to you. But I was young; just a scared, timid high schooler. I wanted to take things slowly, but you refused to listen!

Remember those three months when you stopped talking to me and accused me of not loving you anymore? Suspected me of cheating on you? While you were busy thinking of ways to get laid, I spent most nights crying in my pillow.

I was going to lose the most important person in my life, after my family and I couldn’t do anything about it. You made me hate myself, do you know that? I used to feel that I’m not good enough for you. I used to wonder whether instead of me, you should be with someone who can love you in ways I can’t.

Needless to say, we drifted apart. Our conversations turned into arguments and all those promises about helping each other grow as individuals, just disappeared into thin air. Our past had zero value, the present didn’t matter unless you had me in bed, and I finally understood that we had no future together. I hope you realise that you lost a whole relationship while focusing on just one physical aspect of it.

About time you grew up,
Your ex-girlfriend.



Author: Alisha Jamshed Syed

4 comments

  1. Well written. Your words have portrayed your emotions. Could totally feel you. Have come across a similar situation in my life.

  2. An appreciably composed expression of your feelings. Here, I would like to add something for you. Sometimes, it’s not about believing that we are not good enough for someone. Rather, believe that we are our best version, but not ‘for that someone’.

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