I do want to spend the rest of my life with you but why does it have to begin right now?
I am sure you will feel shocked and hurt when you read this letter but please trust me when I say that this decision has come from a place of love. Our love story has not ended just yet. We are still very much a couple but some things have to change for us to get our happy ending. I hope we can have a discussion about this without it escalating into something ugly and driven by ego. You are so important to me, love. I wouldn’t be able to bear losing you.
The moment our eyes first met across the room during that awkward party, I could see glimpses of the whole of our future together. Then we actually started talking and the evening became a fairytale. Your presence made me feel at peace with the world and with myself. I could blurt out every inappropriate thought that my brain came up with. I had never felt so comfortable yet excited with anyone before. Little did I know that I was falling hard for you. I am so lucky that I can say that you fell in love with me too.
I was a teenager actually contemplating marriage and a lifelong commitment.
It was destiny that we would start dating. Officially, you became my boyfriend but in reality, you were my boyfriend, my best friend, my closest confidant, my lover and my forever- all in one single person. As time passed and as our relationship bloomed, you ended up becoming the centre of my very universe. We spent all our time together and if not that then at least constantly texting. My world, which had so far mostly been friends and family, had now found an entirely new sensation to get blown over by. I had found a brand new person who had begun to mean so very much to me.
The problem began when the honeymoon phase came to an end. I realised I was an immature 19-year old at the end of the day. I was a teenager actually contemplating marriage and a lifelong commitment. No amount of genuine feelings could accelerate my emotional growth to that extent. Both of us had already begun planning for a future together. We were thinking of careers on the basis of the pay instead of where our passions lay. Eventually, we ended up as two teenagers trying so hard to prove that they are worthy of being adults.
Why are we spending our teenage years worrying about things that will happen closer to our thirties?
You see, I want to look forward to our future with excitement and not fear. But right now, I am so afraid of living together and managing a household and whatnot. Yes, all of this is years and years away but that is exactly my point. Why are we spending our teenage years worrying about things that will happen closer to our thirties? What is the point of being stressed and miserable now in order to be happy later?
We are going to get our twenties just once and I want to make the most of them. I want to get drunk and do silly things. I want to splurge on a pair of leather boots that I probably won’t wear in this sweaty city. I want to travel the world without worrying about a housing loan I am yet to take. I want to be young and free of the worries that make adulthood so difficult. I want to laugh with you and I want both of us to pick careers that we love.
I don’t just want to grow old with you, love, I also want to grow up with you by my side. So let’s please start enjoying the time we have right now instead of worrying about the days yet to come.
With loads of love,