Our breakup wasn’t as heartbreaking as I thought it would be.
There was a time when we spent every possible minute of the day in each other’s company. When we couldn’t actually meet and spend time together, technology helped us be inseparable anyway. We were constantly calling each other or at the very least sending random ‘casual’ texts. You were my world and I was yours. Nobody else really mattered. Nothing else mattered- not education nor exams. We didn’t even care about getting enough sleep. Dark circles were our constant companions (other than each other of course). And we didn’t even care a little.
And then came the period of my life when my playlist was almost entirely made of songs on heartbreak. You stopped being a part of my life and I didn’t know what to do. I spent weeks listening to old Taylor Swift songs with teardrops on my guitar. Okay, maybe not on my guitar but there were definitely teardrops. Back then, I thought this heartbreak was the worst thing that could have happened to me. It is only now, after a couple of years, that I realise it was just what I needed.
We were so busy being a couple that we lost our individualities.
When we were together, we did everything together. We went to the same movies and to the same restaurants. We ordered the same dishes and danced to the same music. Our relationship was based on love but did you ever realise that it was also based on fear? We never wanted to try anything new. We were too comfortable in each other’s presence. We never really tried to talk to new people. We were so busy being a couple that we lost our individualities.
After our breakup, once I finally managed to stop crying, I started trying out new things. I started listening to classical music and I realised it fills my soul with so many vibrant colours. I can never imagine you listening to anything but your typical rock music. I found out that I am actually more of a tea person than a coffee lover. I started with my dream of solo travel and I met so many new wonderful people. I absolutely love the process of getting to know a complete stranger and talking about our life stories.
Life with you was great but I didn’t even realise that I was missing out on so many life-changing experiences.
We were barely out of high school to actually have personalities of our own. Instead of taking time to let ourselves develop into people, we chose to date and end up like those old couples who have been together forever and start looking like each other. The only problem was that we were too young to be them. We needed to grow, to explore and to experience life.
We have barely spoken since then and there are times when I miss you even now. But our breakup started a journey of self-discovery for me. I grew up to be the person I am today and I love myself. I wouldn’t change a thing- not even my mistakes. Life with you was great but I didn’t even realise that I was missing out on so many life-changing experiences. I wonder if you went through a similar transformation. Sometimes, I think about how different you will be as a person now.
Thinking about our time always brings a smile to my face. But I’m glad that our paths went in different directions. It was in losing you that I found myself.
Loads of love and nostalgia,
The One You Let Go.